Acrimonious Rhapsody
by Hikari Nanase
Summary: Hiei's seriously injured, but these physical injuries are nothing compared to the wounds of his heart. He shows them to Kurama, but how does Kurama react?


"Acrimonious Rhapsody" 12/3/00 By: Hikari E-mail to: elvina99@hotmail.com Category: From the Heart  
  
*****  
  
When I can't think. I make music. There's no better way to release what I am feeling, than like this. It's been a while since I've found myself here- at the piano. Such realization makes me wonder if life is flying right beneath my nose. I don't know. maybe it is. But one night. I remembered who I was, and who I am. One night ruined my apathy. To the cause, I'm not sure whether to be grateful or perplexed. That night was calm- like every other, yet the happenings of that night paradoxes the moment. I had never felt confusion, anger, and trepidation all at once, but I acquired that feeling when it happened. What happened. I scorn him for it. I weep for him for it. I fear it.  
  
~*~*~*~  
  
"You should be more careful." He 'hn's', but later winces as I apply more iodine upon the scars on his back. I frown. "You definitely took a stroll down the wrong side of Makai. It looks as though you experienced a shredder first hand."  
  
"Would you mind telling me then." My friend spoke sarcastically. "Which side of Makai IS the right side?"  
  
Sighing, I see his point. "All right, I will not question it anymore." Picking up the bottle of medicine, I set it on a metal tray and carried it off to the bathroom. I come back later with a roll of gauze and bandages. I was running low on both.  
  
As I kneel behind him again, I begin to wrap-up his wounds around his torso- giving pressure to stop the bleeding, but leaving slack for him to breathe. I wasn't thinking of anything much at the time, I was simply- and mindlessly- helping a friend. It had never occurred to me that he kept his eyes focused on my work by looking over his shoulder. By the time I reached the top, my eyes meet his and I am given a deep, tired stare.  
  
At first I said nothing, however, after securing the bandages, I opened my lips. "Yes?"  
  
There is another pause, quite ill at ease, and then he looked away. I shook my head. I was neither surprised nor upset. It was just. normal. Cutting the excess straps with a good pair of silver scissors, I sigh again. His blood was already seeping through the white cloths. Apparently, Hiei doesn't notice this- he remains sitting cross-legged on the carpet, back exposed and hunched over. Head down and his hair flowing in suit, I see drips of perspiration gliding down the clumps of strands- some of his sweat sliding behind the nape of his neck and settling on his smooth skin. I blink. Was he. shivering?  
  
His pale complexion averting to his side, I take note of his trembling lips, low eyelids, and subjugated demeanor. Is he sick?  
  
".You worry about me. too much." Now I AM surprised. Hiei knew this too, for I inadvertently slipped from my haunches- hitting the floor.  
  
Keeping myself upright, by supporting myself with my arms- Hiei had turned to face me in that instant, kneeling this time. Then, came the question: ".Why.?"  
  
The way he said it, was just above a whisper. His eyes became darker than usual- almost black. Hands quaking as they gripped the carpet- he moves closer to me. Closer and closer. crawling towards me until my back slams against the wall. Stopping, he presses his forehead to mine. We are so close together now. my heart. it's racing. What is he doing? What has he become? I try for the doorknob by reaching up, but before I could even turn it- Hiei snatches my hand and sets it at my side. Eye to eye, we were. Eyelashes fluttering together and almost entangling.His cool breath smoothes over my lips. I'm terrified.  
  
"I don't understand you Kurama." He speaks in such a dead tone that I shiver in my place. ". You are not afraid to come close to me to help me. However. when I come close to you. you retreat to a corner as though frightened."  
  
Again, I try for the knob, but I'm pinned fast.  
  
"You should know. Kurama. that there are very few people for me to remember. and hold significant." Something cold touches the side of my face, and I am shocked to find that it is his hand. ".Which is why I wish to tell you this now.: You are one of them."  
  
Before I could even dream as to what he would do next. He kisses me! Cold, icy lips press to mine- softly. gently. I would not permit this to last long, and so I throw my fist at him so hard that he is sent backwards. With the back of my right hand, I wipe my lips and watch Hiei pick himself up off the floor. He sits weakly and swings his head to reveal a swollen lip- cut and bleeding. Breathing fast, I ready myself with a rose.  
  
"Are you so afraid of a kiss?" He said faintly. "I did not go any deeper than you would have liked. I know it how you hate having to touch anything soiled.Besides. I only touched the top of your skin. I went no further than that."  
  
As all this may be true, I grind on my teeth at remembering what such actions can make me. "Don't do that Hiei!" I cry, so fiercely I myself don't know who is speaking. "I am no longer the Youko! I will have no more lovers- !"  
  
"- What do you take me for? Some bastard waiting to sleep with you? No, it was a only gesture."  
  
"A kiss? A kiss from a man?! Hiei, you have no idea what kind of things I have done in my past with that kind of emotion! I forbid it to even happen again! Especially with this body! I must keep it clean of myself!"  
  
"You think I know nothing of you, do you? Kurama. I know how you had many lovers- how you enticed them to sleep with you and then killed them in their wake! I know what you did to those bodies! How you savored every moment! When you made the kill. you ate them!"  
  
"SHUT UP!!!" Tears are burning from my eyes- completely bathing my cheeks in hot water.  
  
"I know who you were. The Youko. But you are NOT the same person anymore! The Youko is a past soul that only exists as a power keg to your being! Moreover. I have come to know so much from you. What have I to give you, but a kiss? I have none Kurama."  
  
"You can always say that you are thankful! You have no need in reminding me of my stains with such an act!"  
  
"But that isn't enough."  
  
This time, I move toward him and we meet face to face squarely. "And why not?"  
  
"Because I love you!"  
  
I land on my knees. "What?"  
  
He wraps his arms around me and falls to my lap- his limbs sliding down to my waist. ". Forbidden. is it not?" Hiei's voice is straining and I can feel his nails gripping onto the back of my shirt. I know he's coming close to tears. "I'm sorry Kurama. Whatever I try and do for you. it only makes everything worse."  
  
Blinking, I look to his face. How so small it is. like a child. "Whatever you try and do for me?"  
  
"As simple as gratitude. That I cannot give without hurting you somehow." Hiei looks up and sets himself to kneel. Taking my face into his hands by cupping my chin at either side- he gazes deeper into me. ". You don't understand. Any emotion I feel for you is for nothing. For nothing because you cannot return my emotions. But I don't care. I expect nothing since your presence is enough. Is it surprising I feel this way? It shouldn't be. because you're very mindful of my being. Think now, how many have ever given thought to a forbidden child?  
  
Swallowing half out of fear and half out of speechlessness, I try and steady myself. Of what is he thinking? What does he want me to do? Become the Youko once more? No. He said himself he didn't love me in such a way. Not my body, not like all those other fools and nameless lovers. Now, here on earth, he loves me. "What. Do you want to hear from me then.?"  
  
I must have spoken with such caution, that my long-time friend smiles a little sadly. "I already said.I want nothing from you."  
  
And with that, he slumped onto me and fell asleep.  
  
I dare not wake him.  
  
~*~*~*~  
  
What kind of love he speaks off is still unknown. We never spoke once about that incident between each other and most certainly not among the others. I cannot look at him the same way again, and now I know what he meant. I can sense his emotion now when he sees me. and the first thing I feel is fear. Fear of a sudden change in my soul. Fear of the world's eyes. Fear of what Hiei may try and do. Just fear of not understanding of what is becoming to my being. For I do not know what kind of love I have, if I even have any at all.  
  
Hiei never kissed me again, nor gushed forth with all these truths that had been buried within him for so long. He still comes to the sill of my window- to watch me do my homework. Not a word is ever exchanged in these kinds of meetings- we just. enjoy each others company. I still wonder. What did he mean by loving me?  
  
So, with no other way to understand anything or no other way to cope with humanity- I'm here, playing on the piano. With each finger stroke, a rose petal falls from the flowers in my vase and brushes the ebony on the piano's back. I wonder if it's a sign. If something died. and now I must wait for something new.  
  
I don't know.  
  
"Kurama."  
  
I stop.  
  
"Play that again."  
  
I smile, it seems I've forgotten my anger. "Of course."  
  
We're playing this heartbreaking melody now, a piece I've replayed over and over for my audience- and Hiei is my audience. It's a song that has no beginning, but surely there is an end. Confusing is it not? It's as enigmatic as emotion- forbidden or free. However, the way I see it, what is the point of having any friends if you cannot love them? That kind of friendship lasts forever and since this is so. This song. This rhapsody. has no beginning. and no end. 


End file.
